Continuing from: Day 350: Living Equality in Daily Life – Part 1
I realized that I was actually living the word Equality as a point of separation – where, I was wanting another being and ‘our world that we are sharing together’, to become equal to ‘my preferences and wants’, rather than really learning to equalize myself / change myself / adapt myself to walk WITH another who is DIFFERENT from me. Within this, I realized that there were aspects of my partner in terms of ‘the way they do things’, and ‘the way they express themselves’, that I in essence ‘didn’t want to be equal to’ / ‘didn’t want to be part of my world’. Yet these differences in another which I resisted / had an aversion to / judged – actually ended up being gifts which opened up points of self change and self expansion for me.
So what I describe above as ‘my preferences and wants’, I want to specify rather as ‘the way I do things and what works for me’. This is because the primary scenario in which I would react and create conflict with my partner, is when my partner would become emotional / reactive to me, which I would experience as: ‘they are not listening to my suggestions, my input, my perspective’. And this would repeat over and over again, and I would inevitably go into blame and judging them for ‘not listening to me’.
What I found within this is that the reason I would react and blame them and was seemingly unable to give up the blame, was because I saw my perspective, my suggestion, my input as being completely valid. And this being because I would be giving perspectives and input and suggestions from the starting point of things that had worked for me, and were aligned with the way I do things, the pace at which I do things. And so, when my partner would ‘not accept the validity of what I’m saying’ – I would become frustrated and blame them ‘for being stubborn and not being willing to consider something that I saw as being ‘what is best’ — but which, was actually only that which had worked for ME in the context of my relationship to myself.
So the key here in terms of the word Equality, is that I realized that I was wanting my partner to do things the way I do things, because ‘since it worked for me, then it will work for you’. But within this what I did not take into account is that hey – my partner is NOT ME. My partner is DIFFERENT! They are a different person, with a different background, different mind, different temperament, different expression, different skills, different strengths and weaknesses, and they have a different relationship with themselves which – I do not fully see and understand.
I realized that I was wanting my partner to ‘be equal to me‘ — instead of learning to live as an equal with my partner, accepting that they are different, and that what works for me might not work for them at all, and that I need to take responsibility to be patient and get to know my partner better as a being — and that to do this, I can’t judge they ways in which they are different from me.
Stay tuned for the next post…