Do you experience inferiority around people who are of a ‘higher status’ of education, income level, profession?
Do you feel a lack of confidence, nervousness, anxiety when speaking and interacting with people that are of a ‘higher status’ than you?
Do you notice that the people who you feel most confident and comfortable around, are actually people that you feel superior to in some way?
Do you resist interacting with people that you see as superior to you?
Does your heart race with fear when someone behaves aggressively or dominantly toward you?
Have your relationships in life tended to be with people who are submissive?
If your answer is yes, then you probably share the same definition of ‘Confidence’ that I realized I was living.
The way I was living ‘Confidence’, was as an experience of superiority / feeling more than another. And, what I found in looking at where this came from, was that it originated in the experience of inferiority / less than, that I would experience around certain people. A few years ago I got into sales, marketing educational software direct to families. I realized that what would happen is that whenever I’d do a presentation for someone that stood within a point of superiority in terms of status in the system, I would get nervous, anxious, and would feel that I have no confidence in what I’m doing. And I realized that when I’m doing a presentation for someone who, in some way I am able to see myself as superior to, I would be comfortable around them, and would feel ‘confident’.
This obviously isn’t a practical definition of ‘confidence’, because it meant that I could only do my presentation effectively around people who don’t trigger an inferiority experience in me.
What I realized is that, even though someone may be practically ‘superior’ to me in terms their status in the system — and even though they may very well see me as / experience me as inferior to them — that’s not the reason I feel inferior. The reason I feel inferior is my own self judgments. And, where, within this underlying starting-point negative experience of inferiority, it was like a statement of ‘I don’t fit into this moment’, and wherein I therefore manifested myself / designed myself into needing / wanting to control my relationships / interactions in a way where I would avoid the negative / inferiority — which I could only do by being able to place myself in the position of being superior in some way — where, I would then ‘Fit in’ to the moment.
I realized this is also something I experienced in my immediate relationships, not just business interactions. Where, if my partner would for example become the dominant point in a conversation or interaction, I would access inferiority and within that – activate the need to control the moment / interaction to remain within the dominant / superior position – to protect myself from the negative experience.
I’m sure many can relate to this experience, where you then create conflict in your relationships when you’re used to being the dominant one, and then you find yourself reacting intensely in a moment where your partner or friend or family member or coworker becomes the dominant point in some way — and, it’s all because of the underlying starting point negative self-experience of inferiority created by self’s own self judgments and definitions. Where, within that moment you have to protect yourself from feeling inferior, and thus control the moment to make sure the other recognizes / accepts you as being right / correct / valid, etc. Because otherwise, you have the experience of ‘noooo! this moment is not going right! This is not what I fit into!’
So in my next post I will share Self Forgiveness that I’ve been walking in my recent DIP assignment, which assisted me to identify this construct of ‘confidence as superiority’, and share also how I’ve redefined the word Confidence for myself, and within that how I’m going to assist and support myself to change myself when facing scenarios in which I would access inferiority in the past, where instead of existing within a survival construct in the mind within living for and as energy as the constant cycle of negative to positive — I’m going to assist and support myself to get Here into my physical body within such scenarios / moments, and walk myself into physical self-stability, to no longer depend on / require an energetic stability of ‘superiority’ built upon a foundational starting point of inferiority.