In this post I’m sharing what I’ve experienced and how I’ve changed since I redefined the word ‘Daring’ for myself. For context, read the following blogs:
Day 252: Living Words: Daring
Day 253: How I Realized I am not Limited to What I Prefer Doing
Day 254: Letting go of Past Failures and Daring to Live
Day 255: Dealing with Nervousness Practically
I had initially investigated the word Daring because I had been really struggling with the experience of fear of failure and the resistance to taking the actions necessary to move and open up the business I am involved in, which is a business based on meeting people and doing sales presentations. I had found that the statement that really summed up the pattern I’ve been walking with for most of my life, is the statement of ‘I fear taking risks’ — and in that, seeing that in order to expand myself beyond my limitations, I’m going to have to find it in myself to Dare to take risks — to dare to walk into situations where I do not know the outcome.
The following Self Forgiveness statement from Day 255: Dealing with Nervousness Practically http://www.matterfreeman.com/2014/05/day-255-dealing-with-nervousness.html shows the basic nature of the pattern I had been living as myself in relation to taking risks and facing the possibility of failure:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly sabotage myself from changing / going beyond my comfort levels through projecting / imagining an idea of ‘the perfect outcome / scenario’ of how something could go, and then comparing myself to this projection and looking for reasons / little things about myself that I see could possibly prevent me from achieving this ‘perfect outcome’, and to within this imagine / have the idea that others are going to expect me to live up to ‘the perfect outcome’ as well, and to then within this imagine myself failing and experiencing embarrassment and humiliation
In essence the construct I’ve been walking with for many years is that of remaining in my comfort zones where I know I ‘can’t fail’, and also the chance of making mistakes is minimal. Where within this, the fear is actually coming from past experiences where I had made a mistake / not been able to do something effectively, and then I had judged myself and reacted within an emotion of humiliation / embarrassment. Where, what I saw is that I’m not actually in fact fearing the situation itself – meaning, not what’s physically involved, but rather fearing myself experiencing those emotions again, because I had set up a relationship to the physical scenario / situation of ‘IF I fail / make a mistake = THEN I am embarrassed / humiliated’.
It’s fascinating because within this I had then started approaching situations from the starting point of ‘I can / will only do this if I can make it perfect and have a perfect outcome where I don’t make mistakes or fail’ — so as to not experience those emotions that I fear. And yet, then when I would move myself to go beyond my comfort zone — I was basically setting myself up to experience failure because I was coming from this idea of the perfect outcome and then if I would make a mistake — I would immediately go into humiliation / experiencing myself as a failure / not able to do this.
So, my previous relationship / definition with the word ‘Daring’ — was that this is a bad / negative thing because it involves taking RISKS, and risks are bad because that means there is the possibility of failure and making mistakes — and that is bad / negative because = that means I’m going to experience those emotions of failure / humiliation / embarrassment.
So, within this I saw that I’m not actually working with Reality — I’m not actually working with my real potential – I’m not working with the situation practically, but I’m operating within my mind in an alternate reality of fear motivating me to attempt to create a perfect outcome to avoid what I fear and in that, setting myself up to fail and repeat the whole cycle.
So within this, as you can read in the above posts I linked, I realized and saw that, it’s really not necessary to react to failures and mistakes because — nothing bad is ACTUALLY happening, I mean, I’m not in physical pain or anything, I’m actually FINE. The only point where I’m not fine, is in my mind where I had defined myself within the idea that it’s apparently ‘humiliating and embarrassing’ to fail and make mistakes. I saw that I’d already proven to myself that in failing / making a mistake, what I can do is simply look at where I need to be more effective, and then walk the practical steps of improving my skills or changing my approach or whatever = not a big deal.
So let’s look at how I redefined Daring in a previous post:
So the point I see here where I’ve been limiting myself is through deciding that ‘I just can’t be comfortable with taking risks’, and ‘I’m only comfortable with keeping it safe and staying away from taking risks’ — when, I’ve already proven to myself that in Daring to take a risk – that’s where I learn the most about myself and where I have the best opportunity to really expand my expression and my skills beyond mere potential, into a living fact of what I can do. And – nothing ‘bad’ ever happens when I fail – because all that’s required is to simply get more effective and try again!
I’ve been living the word Daring in my mind as a word defined through memories of emotional experiences – perpetuating a cycle of fear and limitation. But I see I can change the way I’m living this word so that it becomes a practical resource through which I can nourish and support my self expansion in living to my full potential.
So, to redefine the word Daring as a Living Word I can stand by / as into eternity:
When and as I am faced with an opportunity to step into / explore a point of potential I see I have, within expanding my expression into / as skills / abilities that involve risk of possible failure in order to develop / follow through with, I commit myself to realize that I can be comfortable within myself, with myself, as I am walking this point of risk-taking, as I have already proven to myself that I am able to stand through / within outcomes of failure and – nothing ‘bad’ actually happens.
I see and realize the potential within me to be comfortable with / within Daring to take risks, and thus, when and as I am faced with an opportunity to move beyond a limitation in my expression / abilities, and I see the potential within me to expand, I commit myself to stand within and as my potential, and decide to be daring, decide to take on the risk with a passion, within realizing that in this I will really get to know my expression and my potential for real, in real time – and within this I commit myself to dare to live without memories, and to stop underestimating myself through projections based on past failures, and start estimating myself IN REAL TIME based on what I am discovering in real time about myself through daring to take risks.
Okay so, how has this definition worked out for me so far?
Well, specifically in relation to my business, firstly what I notice is that it no longer feels like ‘a big deal’ to ‘get out there’ and meet people, talk about my business, make appointments, and do presentations, because I’m not approaching the point from an idea of ‘a perfect outcome without mistakes’, but rather I am walking Here in real time, embracing what comes up in the moment, and in this I am more comfortable and stable, because I realize that, even if I DO make a mistake or fail = it’s not a big deal — I simply assess where I need to be more effective or make some change in my approach, and let go of the past and keep walking.
And interestingly within this, I don’t have to use desires, imagination, ‘positive thinking’, to get myself into a ‘motivated state of mind’, because I actually went to the source of the ‘negative’ point, and cleared it effectively so I don’t need to ‘fend off negativity’. I mean I am simply moving myself as a self expression, I am LIVING, and within this it’s like ‘normal’. Meaning, I’m actually ‘normalizing’ myself out of these energy cycles in the mind, back to the stability and constancy of the Physical reality.
And hmmm, maybe if we all stopped our energy cycles in our minds, and came back Here to the Physical, we’d be able to work together effectively and have a better world because we’d all be living in the same reality within what we’re really Physically capable of rather than in some alternate energy-survival reality in our minds?
Anyway, so within this, now when I do still experience a resistance, or a fear coming up in relation to a physical action I see I could take, I realize and see that it’s just a point where I have an opportunity to discover who I am in real time self expression / living, and let go of the past / memories — I see it as an opportunity to DARE to LIVE. And, I’ve actually had some of my first big successes in my business open up recently, through actions I’ve taken that — I previously would have been too afraid / too resistant, to take.
So I’ve established a clear directive principle that I can live and apply within the point of going beyond my past limitations and resistances, and I’ve done this through redefining a word with a definition I can really stand within and as. A definition through which I am no longer substantiating fears / memories / emotions / reactions — but I am now rather substantiating ME in actual self expression, ME as an actual living, physical being, with each physical scenario I walk through.
It’s really like a re-allocation of my Life Essence, from that of fueling and substantiating fear and desire as energy in my mind, to that of nourishing and supporting my growth in self expression and living to my full potential.
Now I’ve walked this process with other words, in relation to other things in my life, but the business / sales point I’m walking, is like my primary point where I’ve had the MOST fears, resistances, and feeling like I ‘can’t do it’, so it’s cool to see that it IS in fact possible to really change yourself, and it’s all possible through the tools available to everyone: Breathing, Self Honesty, Writing, Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Application, and Redefining Words. Specifically, what has assisted me is the structured methods found in the Desteni I Process Pro course which you can learn about here: http://desteniiprocess.com/
I’ll be sharing more in posts to come, as I keep walking this point of self expansion.