It’s become clear to me in looking at the past 6 years in which I’ve been applying the Desteni tools, that what I’m walking, what I’m living, is the principle of realizing and living my utmost potential. At first, when I started applying the tools, when I look at how I saw myself, what I experienced in my mind, my desires, my ideas, my imaginations, what I’d experienced in my life up to that point, I can see I was not clear what my real potential was. It’s like within myself was like a bunch of memories, past experiences, relationships, knowledge and information, preferences, beliefs, ideas about life, ideas about self, judgments, comparisons, feelings, emotions, desires. I came to Desteni because I was looking for something, because I was looking for some clue as to what I’m supposed to do, why I’m here, there was the question within me of – there must be something more. I immediately stood with and as the principle of Life as equal and one, and the message that – we have never yet really been life, we have always stood in separation of life, we have separated ourselves into definitions that are less than life, and have thus manifested ourselves as – less than life. So I had a principle I could stand with, stand as – something I immediately saw — I can commit myself to this – this is common sense. And I had an application. through the desteni tools I started seeing how everything that is going on in my mind is – not really life, not really who I could be, but is the image and likeness of separation – a preoccupation with experiences of energy, with ideas, with pictures, with imagination, with opinions and beliefs — a substitute for life. I mean, the very fact that I could stop a thought, or apply self forgiveness and release myself from a belief, a judgment, a self definition, proved that – if it could be deleted, if I can take something within me and by a movement of myself of self will, of self statement, cause it to be no more; then it was not real – not really me.
So initially, for the first few years this because my primary focus – slowly but surely walking a process of sorting through the massive amounts of thoughts, of inner conversations, of beliefs, of knowledge and information – the ‘stuff’ that filled my head – the ‘stuff’ that I saw is just outflows of how I’ve programmed myself through definitions, knowledge and information. I mean, none of the stuff in my head had ever really supported me to come to any practical realizations or point of real self fulfillment. I would describe it as entertainment, as preoccupation, as distraction.
I reached a point where I started becoming within myself more silent, more empty, emerging more from my ‘head area’ to more being here in and with what is here in the moment, here with the reality I can see, can touch – the moment of breath in which I move physically in action – action that, with each breath, each moment, each hour, each day, each week, each month, each year – accumulates into — my life — what I am actually DOING in this world.
During the time I spent with Bernard on the farm, he would always be supporting me to push myself to go beyond what I had accepted and though of as my potential, my skills, the limits of my expression. And in this I would go through these moments where I would realize and see that – there is more within me, more I could do – things I did not consider before – because I had previously been influenced by memories, emotions, desires, fears, self ideas, comparisons. And each time I would see a point of potential within me, there would come also the realization – sometimes much later, lol — that with seeing my potential — there comes a responsibility, a self responsibility. No one is going to develop that skill for me, no one is going to walk the steps, push through the fears, let go of the past failures, no one is going to just hand me my life on a silver platter, all ready to go where I just step into it and start ‘experiencing it’. This was different from how I’d experienced myself in the past, where I tended to preoccupy myself with imagining what I could or might be able to do, and just waiting and not really pushing myself, not really moving myself — never really living what potential I saw I did have. I had in the past always had some idea of some guiding force that will just make things happen for me. I started realizing and seeing all these fears I had accumulated around certain points where action would be required for me to really live my potential and learn what I could do, and how extensively I had in my life limited myself because of fears and doubts and had developed a comfort in imagination, in hope, in fantasy, and never really set goals outside of an existing comfort level. But I was now faced with seeing that – if I continue to do this – I will never really know what my potential is, and I will certainly never really fulfill my potential of what I can do in this life, with this time I have in this physical body. But time and again I would come back to this point of self honesty of asking myself — will I really be satisfied if I do not push myself to break through this fear, this self definition, this pattern of giving up? Am I really willing to to accept this or that point of self limitation that I see only exists because of a fear, a memory, a past self definition, an uncertainty, a resistance, a preference? Time and again I have arrived at the answer of – No. Time and again I’ve arrived at the commitment to take self responsibility to prepare myself, to educate myself, to push through resistances, to walk the physical actions I see I need to walk in order to open up a point of potential I see in myself, and really see what I can do with it.
Seeing and realizing and living my utmost potential has become a foundational principle within and as which I stand, where I am no longer living for an idea, or a belief, or some knowledge, or for someone’s expectation of my, or for a fantasy, or for the next moment of stimulation, entertainment, or preoccupation, but I am living for the discovery and fulfillment of the utmost potential that exists in me as Life. I have made the decision to take responsibility for my potential — to no longer accept or allow any self definition that would justify accepting limitation of myself based on memories, self judgments, self beliefs, comparisons, desires, opinions, fears, assumptions, but to commit myself to push through and find my real potential of and as myself as life and then birth my potential into this world, through and as my life, through and as the actions I take in every moment of breath, where my actions will be one and equal with my utmost potential.