When I started applying the Desteni tools – being Here, standing one and equal with what is Here in and as the Physical reality in every Breath – I started Facing myself for the first time in my life – I started noticing what’s actually going on inside me for the first time in my life. I mean it was simple. The perspective shared was — if you are not Here in every moment of breath — where are you? Duh – in my mind. And — obviously within that I could see that my mind — the alternate reality of thoughts, feelings, emotions, fantasies, imagination, beliefs, etc — is not in fact who I really am — not in fact ‘reality’. Because — if it’s real — it is Here — whereas what I immediately noticed when I started Breathing and Stopping myself participating within for example, the love and light and fantasies about higher dimensions — all the spirituality I had been participating in — was that it all vanished in the blink of an eye — or in this case, in the blink of a Breath…er, well breaths don’t blink I guess but you know what I mean, lol. I mean – here I was this apparently ‘enlightened being‘, apparently having ‘realized’ myself as this ‘light being’, apparently ‘aware’ of all these wonderful ‘love and light’ realities going on in higher dimensions, and apparently in the process of ‘ascending’ into them — and, all of it disappeared in one moment. It ceased to exist. Simply by standing Here in this Physical reality – simply deciding to stand Here as Life, in every moment of Breath. Not standing as some picture / idea of ‘light’, or ‘love’, or ‘enlightenment’ — but simply being Here, with that which is already here — that which does not Require me to participate in some elaborate story in my mind in order to experience.
I mean, I immediately saw that my entire apparent ‘spiritual progress’ was just a fantasy — just Energy generated as an alternate reality – like a computer game, through the knowledge and information programming I had defined myself within and as.
And when all the pretty pictures and energy vanished – I was left here, with myself and I saw –hmmmm, I’ve never actually done anything. I never actually developed myself or realized myself or saw what is going on in reality because — it was all just knowledge, ideas, beliefs, and energy.
Now, I wasn’t afraid of this — I wasn’t afraid to give up spirituality and stop participating in the pretty pictures and fuzzy energy because — I happened to actually want to understand what is really going on in this existence. And, when I saw this message of — let’s do what’s best for all Life, and the perspective that, we’ve separated ourselves from who we really are as Equals as Life through Energy which is just a system generated through Self Definitions within the Mind based on Knowledge and Information — it made sense immediately. I mean it’s really simple — who we really are is Life, and the reason this world is the way it is is because we’ve never actually stood as Life as Equals Here but have always been separated from our actual essence / Self as Life through Definitions based in — Self Interest — some form of avoiding / denying / separating ourselves from Responsibility for Existence.
I mean, that’s all God is – and any form of Spirituality — anything where there is some idea of some ‘higher power’ that is directing things and is therefore responsible and all we’re here to do is ‘go along for the ride’ because eventually no matter what — we’ll return to this form of ‘God’ and be in bliss and happiness forever. I mean, everyone wants to believe that in some form or other which is obviously why we haven’t ever stood up and taken Responsibility for this world as if WE are God.
Now with Desteni and Bernard Poolman and the Portal, though it was these ‘individual people’ sharing the message — it was always obvious in the words that the message was never about following ‘a person’, as some kind of ‘God’ to be revered and venerated above anyone else. The message was always, from the beginning when I started studying the material, about Self Responsibility — about Standing as the Ultimate Point of Responsibility which is to Stand as Life itself — which is the same Life in All which is thus to Stand as All as One as Equal and to simply LOOK at what is going on INSIDE US AS LIFE — which is, a world of abuse and suffering where we are not living as Life / God, within taking Responsibility for Creation — and to within this realize — whooops, I’ve / we’ve trapped myself / ourselves in my / our own Separation. And so what makes sense is to – if we’re ever to actually have a world / existence where we’re all living as One in Harmony with each other — we’re going to have to walk a process of Self Honesty in every moment of Breath, investigating, uncovering, and removing all the designs of Separation from Life within ourselves that we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to exist within and as. We’re going to have to Forgive Ourselves and Re-Create ourselves as Life, Here, as Equal and as One.
So – within this, fascinatingly – no form of ‘God’ can exist — no ‘higher power’ or ‘mystery’ can exist — if we are to really be here living as Life, as God, as Creation, as Creators — there can be nothing that we are not able to Direct to a point that is Best for All — there can be no point where we Abdicate ourselves, Abdicate Responsibility because — oh I don’t understand how that works, or — oh that’s not part of my life. I mean, to Live as Life, Here as Equals and as One — is to Include All Lives within and as Ourselves and make sure that All Parts of ourselves are in fact what is best for All Life – because then real Harmony, real Peace can exist in existence — when there exists no point that is not Best for All.
So, at first I experienced / perceived Bernard as being like a form of God because he was able to explain everything and anything in exact specific detail as how it actually works. But what I realized through my application of writing, investigating myself in self honesty, and applying self forgiveness was that — as I was applying this, I was uncovering / seeing how my mind actually works and how I’ve created myself, and within that I was also seeing how the same designs were existing in the ‘outer’ within the world system / reality as it exists. And what I’ve experienced / discovered within my process is that as I’m seeing how a design within myself actually works and where it came from / how I created it – for example a specific thought pattern, or feeling, or emotion, or self definition — I can then explain / share with another how it works / how it’s structured because – I’m directly seeing it. Like if you are in a house with an architect, and he’s pointing at the wall and the ceiling and the floor and all the appliances and explaining how all the systems inside the walls are functioning and how they fit together and how they’re designed — and then, you tear apart the wall and you start seeing it yourself.
So – what I realized / saw is that Bernard is simply someone who has managed to walk the process of uncovering how everything works, the specific designs within ourselves / of ourselves through which we’ve separated ourselves from who we really are as Life – which is a process we can each walk — and, it starts with one breath at a time, one point at a time, one thoughtsat a time, one feeling, emotion, reaction at a time — doing the writing, seeing the structure, the design, seeing all the points where it’s being held in place through specific points of Acceptance and Allowance — and then within that being able to remove the design through Self Forgiveness applied on each specific Acceptance and Allowance.
In my first couple of years walking my process I couldn’t imagine Bernard dying, because at that stage, as I can see now — I had created a relationship toward Bernard as this God figure, this ‘Source of Guidance‘, someone through whom I was able to experience like ‘everything will be okay’ because ‘there is this one person who understands what to do and will show us the way’ — and within that I was not yet Standing fully as Myself, in Self Trust, as Life — I still existed within a form of energy version of Stability dependent on this specific relationship being in place. And, if Bernard had died at that stage — I can see, I would have been really an ’emotional wreck’ because that relationship design would no longer be able to exist and thus my apparent ‘stability’ would have fallen.
And, this is why for example we’ll experience such an intense experience of loss and despair and sadness and all this emotion when a friend, or a family member, or a partner, or a pet, or any kind of figure in our world toward which we’ve created within ourselves a relationship of dependence based on something they ‘represent’ to us – like, ‘completion’, or ‘love’, or ‘acceptance’, or ‘understanding’, or ‘guidance’ — we’ll totally lose it if they Die because — that relationship can no longer exist within ourselves and so that’s why it literally feels like we’ve ‘lost’ something from inside ourselves. When in reality — we created the experience because we created that very relationship because — we never were standing as Stability, as Love, as Acceptance, as Understanding for and As Ourselves.
I my process I’ve walked through many such experiences where something was ‘lost’ or ‘taken away’ – where, some relationship changed or was removed and all of a sudden I’m like, totally fucked up, and — only through the tools of Self Honesty, Breathing, Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective writing and Application have I been able to transcend / stand up within these points within realizing – okay, I created this so — how did I create this? What do I experience has been ‘lost’? For example a relationship ends and now I feel like ‘lonely’. Well, within that Self Honestly I have to see that — I’ve never lived Companionship and partnership with myself — I’ve never Given myself the Care that I’m wanting another to give me and thus — that’s my point of Self Honesty, my point of Self Responsibility where I can Forgive Myself and Stand Up within the ‘loss’ experience and make the Decision to Become / Live that which I believed I cannot give myself and thus must be ‘given’ by another.
And this is what we’ve been walking for years now as Desteni as a group. Each of us taking Self Responsibility to investigate these things within ourselves, to Stand Up, and Become the Support, the Care, the Nurturing, the Understanding, the Respect that we’ve desired from another, or from ‘God’, or from ‘Spirituality’, or from whatever. And this is why the message of Desteni is so obviously not about being a ‘cult’ and is not a ‘scam’ because — one cannot ‘be’ a Destonian unless you get the point of Self Responsibility and unless you get the point of Standing Alone – Standing Alone and yet Together as Life as Equals. I mean, how can we ever be Equals if we cannot all Equally Stand Alone as Self Support? Because then – we can really Care for each other because then Care is not an expression of Self Interest where we only ‘Care’ about that which makes us feel good or tells us we’re special, but is rather an Expression of Self Respect and Integrity where we make sure that All Life is supported Equal because we Value All Life Equal As Ourselves.
This is what Bernard showed us and the best support I got from Bernard was in seeing how — he did not give a fuck if someone doesn’t ‘like him’ and he wasn’t interested in people ‘following him’ because — he wasn’t interested in a world where we see another as ‘more than’, or ‘less than‘. He did his Self Forgiveness and was able to Stand as Life and did not accept or allow anything less than a world of Equals as Life and thus wan’t afraid to call out people’s Self Interest in seeing that — as long as Self Interest exists – as long as there exists a point within ourselves where we aren’t valuing / considering / standing as All Life Equal — I mean that’s neglect, that’s separation – that’s the whole problem in this world. That’s why we justify poverty and starvation and war and rape and murder and animal abuse — that’s why such things are able to take place daily in this world and — as long as it’s not part of ‘my life’ and ‘my relationships‘ and ‘that which makes me happy’ == I don’t care.
Bernard wasn’t afraid to expose the selfishness that really exists in everyone — and he was able to expose it in a way where he could share how he himself had walked through those same points within himself and thus wasn’t ‘judging’ anyone but was rather saying — hey, if I could stop my self interest and selfishness and forgive myself and start caring about all life Equal — then everyone can.
And this is what we’re doing at Desteni, this is the process I’ve been walking. We’re sharing from experience – from what we’ve seen within ourselves. And that’s all Bernard ever did. He walked the process of becoming a Human that Cares – a Human that is Life that Supports Life — And, in seeing that we’re actually able to change our very ‘Human Nature‘ and remove any design within ourselves, any thought, feeling, emotion, definition that cannot stand as what is Best for All — we see that it is a Universal process – it works the same for All of us because, in case you haven’t noticed — we’re all Humans, all made from the Dust of the Earth, all Breathing the same Air — and thus, Bernard was never a ‘God’ and was never going to ‘do this for us’ — because in order for Change to be Real — we all have to Change ourselves, so that the Change in the World is the result of Who we Are.
So Bernard showed us the way – but the way is not lost because he died, because the way was not Bernard’ — the way is Principle. He showed us the Principles that we can all See in ourselves, for ourselves if we just Look, and he showed us that – if we are really serious, if we really care for ourselves, we’ll Stand Up and we’ll Live these Principles as he did — we’ll be Equal.
This is what is missed in Religion. I mean Jesus gave us some cool Principles — Love thy Neighbor as Yourself, Do unto Others as you’d have Done unto You — but instead of living the Principles where SELF is the ‘WAY’ to Heaven as Heaven on Earth through Each of us becoming Equal as a Living Principle — we fucked up and believed that ‘Jesus is the Way’, and that Heaven is ‘Up there’ somewhere and we must ‘Follow Jesus’ to ‘Get to Heaven’, and ‘we can never be Equal to God’. I mean it’s that Relationship point where — instead of Giving Ourselves the Way through Self Forgiveness — we created a relationship toward a person and abdicated Responsibility, abdicated Principle and — Voila! We have a world filled with immeasurable suffering with everyone looking for their own version of the ‘Savior’ – whether in Religion, or Spirituality, or Relationships, or Sex, or Entertainment, or Love, or Drugs, or Alcohol. Everyone in their own little Cult.
If you study Desteni you will see that Bernard Dared to Stand for a world where there is no God except All Equal as God / Life. A world where there is no Heaven except All Equal in Heaven as that which we have Lived into Reality as the Result of Who we Are as Life as what is Best for All.
So was Desteni about ‘following Bernard Poolman’? Nope. Because – fascinatingly, if you remove the name ‘Bernard’ completely from this reality and you delete all pictures of Bernard and delete all memories of Bernard — the Principles still Remain — Self Honesty, Best for All, Self Forgiveness — these are a part of Each of us — the Tools to become our own Saviors. And this is what we as Desteni as a Group stand as – to each of us become the Living Principles that will create a world that is Best for All.
When you are ready, join us and we’ll walk as Equals in the Journey to our Destiny as Life Equal.