|Artwork by Kelly Posey|
Okay so now I’m looking at the Fear dimension of the Postponement Character – the underlying fear that causes me to postpone taking consistent action to change myself / understand myself through blogging and writing assignments. The writing assignments I’m talking about are part of the Desteni I Process course I’m walking, which is a course that shares tools and lessons one can use to assist and support one’s self in taking responsibility as the creator of one’s nature / inner experiences, in directly seeing and uncovering how I created myself as thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and seeing how I can practically change myself in a way where I can stop self interest, self delusion, and self compromise and move myself / direct myself in this world / in my life within taking the necessary action to bring about a world / existence that is best for all life.
The fear that comes up when faced with a point of blogging or a writing assignment where the point I’m working with is something I don’t yet fully see and understand, which typically is a pattern of reaction / feeling / emotion that I’m facing daily in my world, is the fear that I’ll ‘never get it’ – more specifically, the fear that I’ll just get ‘stuck’ and remain inferior to / less than the point and thus remain within limitation in not fully seeing / understanding the point.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I sit down to work on a blog, or a writing assignment, to immediately access the fear of experiencing myself as inferior to the point I’m working with – and to immediately accept this fear as if it is real, instead of realizing that I created this fear when, in the past I approached a pattern / point within myself from a starting point of rushing into it, wanting to get it done, and in this neglecting to breathe and walk the point patiently, specifically, one step, one dimension at a time – where I then ended up in a point of confusion and frustration and felt like ‘I can’t open this point up, I can’t see this’ — believing that the the point itself / blog itself / writing assignment itself was the cause of my experience, not seeing and realizing that I created my confusion and frustration as a consequence of rushing into the point wanting to get it done, trying to move faster than the actual point by point, breath by breath investigation required in opening up the point – the same as opening up a book and and looking at the table of contents and saying ‘ah, I get the gist of it, now I’ll write an elaborate and detailed book report’ — but without first reading each chapter, each page, reading all of the information thoroughly
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply what I actually realize and see in terms of how to deconstruct patterns within myself effectively through walking the point step by step with patience, taking on one dimension at a time, but instead to rush into it wanting to get it done, within this manifesting frustration and confusion when the pieces don’t quite fit together / I don’t see the whole picture — because I didn’t walk it step by step specifically from the beginning
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within accepting this fear of experiencing myself as inferior to the point / frustrated with the point, create the postponement character where I use all kinds of thoughts about doing other things, and backchat and reactions to justify / reason with myself why it’s okay to do something other than the blog / writing assignment
I commit myself to, when and as I’m faced with taking on / investigating / deconstructing a pattern within myself, to first breathe, and clear myself of any wants / needs / desires of ‘getting this done’, and to establish myself Here, relaxed, as Breath with and as my physical body, realizing that I’m deconstructing a pattern because it’s a point wherein I’ve been using / abusing substance / the physical, to generate energy as thoughts, emotions, and feelings of and as self interest through which I’ve sabotaged my opportunity to be here as life, living and expressing fully as myself, and thus it makes sense to slow down, breathe, and actually assist and support myself to change / stop the pattern through walking the steps of uncovering / investigating / exposing every dimension of the pattern so that I can give myself effective, specific direction within standing one and equal with the pattern by leaving no stone / dimension unturned so that I have the full picture of how it exists / what it looks like / what it consists of — where within this, any want, need, or desire to ‘get it done’ simply indicates I’m not here assisting and supporting myself for myself, as myself as Life
I commit myself to, when and as I sit down to work on blogging / my writing assignments, and the fear of experiencing myself as inferior to / frustrated with a pattern arises within me – I stop, breathe, and clear myself of the fear, focusing on practically walking the point at hand with patience, breath by breath
I commit myself to stop rushing into blogs / writing assignments wanting to get it done, but to first breathe, bring myself here, relaxed with and as my physical body, and focus on assisting and supporting myself effectively by walking points step by step