In this post I’m walking a practical example of how to, within an Agreement, take a simple scenario of conflict and confusion and blame, and come to a practical agreement that works best for both partners, where each partner takes self responsibility to ensure the outcome that is best for all, and showing how in applying the same principle we can change the way we participate with each other as a whole as humanity.
My partner and I had just moved into a large room that required to be cleaned one day every week. The cleaning duties consisted of dusting, sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming our chairs. The first couple of weeks that we cleaned, we didn’t decide who would do what, we would just each start working on one of the duties. The third week, we ended up having an argument about who should do what, because I didn’t want to vacuum the chairs again, but my partner said she already did half the other stuff and also had done other work earlier, and I reacted within myself telling myself this was bullshit because I had done more other work than her before starting cleaning the room – basically we both went into a defense positioning where each of us was attempting to prove that ‘it’s more fair for you to do it, not me’, and where neither of us ‘wanted’ to vacuum and were both trying to get the other to do it. Eventually we realized that we have to stop because there is a problem here – we are both reacting and not coming to any practical solution whatsoever, just each feeding our own reactions and going into competition trying to prove that each of us is ‘in the right’.
We realized that we both were walking with a pattern of, when and as such scenarios of ‘sharing work’ arise in our world, we would look at it from a starting point of ‘is this fair or unfair to ME’, based on each of us keeping track of the work we’ve each been doing, like a point system, and then when a situation arises where a decision must be made about who is going to do what, we both access our ‘points’ that we’ve been keeping track of, and tell each other ‘well I’ve already been doing this and that so it’s more fair for me if we do it like this or that’ — where, the problem is that then we’re both trying to get the other to agree to do it ‘my way’ so that the situation can be ‘fair for me’, which obviously will have an outcome of someone who ‘wins’ and someone who ‘loses’ — so in the example of cleaning our room, we both went into this pattern and ended up in the point of trying to ensure that ‘I win’ based on ‘what’s fair’ in relation to each of us having kept track of the other work we did that day.
So we realized that we are each responsible for stopping the pattern of competition / seeing things in terms of what is ‘fair and unfair to ME’, and came to a practical agreement that would override and disregard whatever reactions / backchat we each might have in relation to a specific cleaning duty, which was to write out a schedule and alternate who does what, week by week – and just stick to the schedule – seeing that, such a plan is what is best for all because it will ensure everything gets done, and does not leave any backdoors open for manipulation and justification of either of our individual experience / reaction / blame – we will be forced to take responsibility for our reactions / experience of ourselves as we realign our participation according to what’s best for all / both of us in relation to cleaning our room. And the point is – the duties will get done – all we have to do is move ourselves in walking the practical system we set up, that we both saw is best for all according to mathematics – not according to opinion / point of view / fairness. In this way we were able to effectively contribute to the maintenance of our living space as Equals, and facilitated more effective taking of responsibility to change ourselves / stop our patterns of ‘this is not fair’, by changing the system from one that we had allowed to be directed by individual experiences of thoughts, feelings, emotions, reactions, to a system directed by a principle that is best for all.
Now it may look like a ‘petty’ scenario, but if we as humanity as a whole would apply this same approach in how we participate with each other on earth – we could eliminate conflict and ensure that everyone has what they need. All we need to do is AGREE to change the system to one that is directed by principle that produces what is best for all. For example, when we look at the support systems within the money system / world system, what directs the production and distribution of support such as food, water, homes, technology, etc? The existence of poverty and starvation shows that the production and distribution of support is ALLOWED to be directed by the opinion that to receive support in this world you must work for it, where then if support is given to someone who is not working – it’s apparently ‘unfair’ to those who work. But that’s bullshit because what’s really unfair is to allow children to exist in filthy, dangerous conditions, starving to death or stealing and killing and working in sweatshops to get money – which in many places in the world, is the only ‘work’ available. And, the only reason such conditions exist is because we have decided that apparently we cannot agree to stand together and take responsibility to ensure life is supported effectively, but that we MUST be motivated by self interest and by fear of not surviving, which is why we keep deciding that capitalism / inequality is the only way for us to exist. But in the ‘room cleaning’ example I’ve walked, I’ve shown how simple it is to decide to act together according to principle that is best for all, and to stop accepting and allowing patterns of self interest / opinion to direct how we physically live with each other.
This is why Agreements are so important – because, unless we take Responsibility to transform our relationships from the obviously unsustainable, impractical systems of rules and restrictions designed around maintaining a balance between self interests, from the starting point of accepting and allowing opinions, self definitions, feeling and emotional experiences to direct decision making, to practical Agreements where both partners design their living according to what is mathematically best / most supportive for all in the actual physical environment / world we live in, then we won’t be able to expand in taking Responsibility for the entire world.
So, just as within the ‘room cleaning example’ my partner and I designed a system that works best for both of us, based on taking responsibility to act according to principle that overrides any self interested experience that may arise within us, we can implement an Equal Money System that will have the same effect in the world as a whole — where, in implementing a system based on mathematically sound considerations of what is best for all, all we then have to do is take Responsibility to move ourselves to participate consistently, so that the system is maintained and support is equally given to all — within this no longer accepting or allowing self interest to direct decision making within the production and distribution of support.
Research the Equal Money System, and educate yourself as to how the mind works and how to transform your relationship to an Agreement.