In my process of taking apart myself as a personality through self investigative writing and self honesty, I’ve seen that a large part of the emotional / feeling experience I used to have towards art was desires for recognition / fame / praise / wealth / wanting to be in the ‘pantheon’ of ‘great artists’, and through this, gain access to ‘the good life’ of fame and fortune, lol. But before I investigated myself, all I experienced was the feelings and emotions, which I defined as ‘creative yearning’, and ‘inspiration’, etc.. But through the writing and investigation, uncovering the constructs underneath the ’emotional/feeling experience’, I realized feelings and emotions is not profound, mystical stuff — it is simply generated through self definitions, comparison, desires, values, judgments, beliefs – programming.
And this programming is defined by the current world system / money system within which survival / making money / attaining a comfortable existence in this world is the primary point of motivation within creativity — it is the pursuit of attaining value in the eyes of others, so they will want to give me money to buy my art. Stopping the mind, stopping feelings and emotions is not the end of creativity. It is merely the end of an extremely limited definition of creativity defined in separation of Self – through comparison, judgment, self definitions, beliefs, ideas – where art is not Self placing an actual Expression of Self, but is making something in order to have an experience of feelings / emotions / thoughts – where the art itself is not really the point, because the point is to actually have an experience of feelings and / or emotions / thoughts. And in this world as it exists, thoughts / feelings / emotions as energetic experiences triggered according to the individual’s accepted definitions / beliefs / ideas, is the actual ‘medium’ through which one / one’s artwork attains a status of ‘value’ in the eyes of others — value is placed in someone’s artwork primarily based on the thoughts, feelings, and emotions the viewer / experiencer of the artwork experiences within themselves while viewing / experiencing the artwork. And since in this world you have people with different personalities / styles / ideas / beliefs that they define themselves by, you thus have different kinds of artwork which different people place various different values in, wherein you will value a piece of artwork if it depicts something that is within the realm of your own ideas / beliefs / styles / judgments / self definitions. And, if you make artwork that is able to be seen as valuable in the eyes of people with a lot of money – they will buy your artwork. And the key is that the more specifically / explicitly your artwork represents the specific ideas and values and self definitions of a particular group / style of people, the more your particular artwork will be valued. So, in this world art is primarily just about people as personalities / self definitions experiencing something that supports their particular personality / self definition.
I’ve seen all this within myself as I’ve investigated my experience with art and creativity in my life. In fact I used to have very specific ideas that I used to define myself according to, because then I felt like I was ‘an individual’, and when I surrounded myself with things / pictures that represented / utilized these ideas, then I would experience / feel my definition of myself more. For example I used to define myself very specifically according to ‘old looking’ stuff, and developed a personality / style around ‘old stuff’ – where I only wore clothes that looked old / vintage, and wanted to live in only older houses / apartments and drive older cars, and have old stuff in my house because I liked the way it looked, and I defined myself within and as this ‘older looking / vintage’ style. And because I defined myself according to only ‘old / vintage’ looking stuff, and that became ‘my personality’, I would actually experience reactions and judgments toward stuff that did not fit into the ‘old / vintage’ style stuff definition I had of myself. And why? Simply because I placed value / significance in ‘old / vintage’ style stuff because that was what I defined myself according to, and thus judging other stuff made me feel more valid / superior. When I would make artwork, I would make it from the starting point of producing images / sounds that ‘matched with’ / ‘fit into’ the ‘old / vintage’ style definition of myself, to support my definitions of myself and ‘enhance’ my experience of myself within and as my self definitions. And within this, I also had friends / artist colleagues whom I ‘related to’, and whom ‘related to me’ through our shared definitions / values / ideas placed in ‘old / vintage’ style stuff. And I started to see that I had the ability to make very specific imagery that played into the ‘old / vintage’ style lifestyle, and that people of this same style really liked / appreciated / valued my artwork, and within this I started to see that I could make money / make a living of being an artist, producing artwork within this specific style of ‘old / vintage’ looking stuff. I saw this because I looked at similar artwork done by already famous / rich artists, and in comparison saw that I could ‘be just like them’.
So I formed the desire to become famous and rich through doing artwork valued by a specific style / group of people / other artists — I found an ‘entry point’ into the world of ‘having lots of money’, lol. And I started to produce a body of work that I could then submit to galleries, with the goal of finding buyers for my work. This will be a very familiar story for other artists reading this I’m sure.
However, at the same time I was participating in all this, I was also seeing how there also was really no point to the whole ‘style’ thing – how it was just entertainment based on judgments basically. I did not feel satisfied with where I was. The primary satisfaction I experienced was in seeing that I could potentially make a lot of money. But the whole thing also felt empty at the same time. I was also researching spirituality and new age at that time, and was constantly looking for more information about what is ‘really going on’ and why I am here. Around this time is when I found Desteni and shortly after began my process of Self Investigation within Self Honesty, within for the first time being assisted and supported to look at myself and my life and this world with Common Sense and Self Honesty, seeing how the reason I always felt that my life had no point and that the whole game of lifestyle / making money seemed so empty, and that there must be something more, there must be another way to exist, is because we have been existing through and as the mind consciousness system within and as ourselves as robots of preprogrammed thoughts, feelings , emotions, defined / trapped / enslaved within a system of fear of survival (the money system) within which money is the point that directs our participation in all ways, from the starting point of a definition of life / living / self existing entirely within self interest / separation of Life — wherein I saw that everything I had been participating in – from art to spirituality, was just entertainment to keep myself occupied as I was struggling to survive / make money day to day. And within this seeing how because of our accepted limitation, apparently ‘trapped’ within self interest / survival, defining this to be ‘just the way the world works’, we have accepted and allowed the massive abuse of life to go on daily in the name of the money system / world system that currently exists, believing that we cannot change, and that the world is ‘too big of a problem’ to change, thus ‘resigning’ ourselves to merely live out a life of entertainment / occupation from the starting point of surviving and getting by until we inevitably die.
But, as I for the first time stood and saw myself as Life – standing as life as all as one as equal, I saw that it is unacceptable to let this world remain as it is, to let beings suffer simply because it apparently was ‘not my responsibility’. I saw it is my responsibility, because As Life – it is ME that is coming back to this world, and it is ME that is trapped within a world system currently within which massive abuse exists. And therefore a real solution is required, and I must dedicate myself to bringing about a solution no matter what — because it is simply common sense to have a world that is Best for All as Life, instead of a world of separation, survival, greed, competition for money, and the massive limitation of the Mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions that kept me trapped in circles of self interest within my head, never seeing or considering Life in fact, until common sense was pointed out to me. And so began my process of Stopping the Mind, stopping useless Self Definitions, useless judgments, useless values, useless ideas and beliefs, and emerging Here as who I really Am as Breath, in every moment – where I stand as All as One as Equal — where creativity is Here as Me in every moment, and where I’ve transformed art from a limited definition / idea used to generate feelings and emotions and be seen as valuable in the eyes of others, to a direct Self Expression – where I’m placing ME in and as artwork, through various mediums through which I am able to express and communicate what I see and realize and experience as I walk my process of standing as all as one as equal as life, stopping the mind of self interest and preprogrammed thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and working together with a group of other Earthlings standing up and walking the same process, uncovering all aspects of how we have been existing and participating with each other, within this world, within existence, seeing where we’ve accepted and allowed a starting point that accumulates in separation / abuse / harm, and learning how to live practically in a way that is Best for All, as we walk together as Life as Equals, to research, develop, and bring about a new system, a new world that is best for all.
I’ve been walking my Process since 2008. www.desteniiprocess.com
Join the forums for discussion. www.desteni.org
Research Equal Money www.equalmoney.org
My Vlogs from 2008-present
For additional perspective,
read Marlen’s blog http://marlenvargasdelrazo.wordpress.com/2011/12/20/looking-at-artwhat-is-going-on-up-there/